You Were Not Wrong for Choosing This

Homeschool life chose me before I ever knew I was choosing it.

When my son was born in 2018, I was still working full-time. At that time, he was in a daycare not far from my job, and I did that on purpose. I did not want to be 45 minutes away if something happened and he needed me. My husband’s job was not the kind where he could just pick up and leave every time our son needed something, so that was more my lane.

Then I got pregnant with our daughter in 2019.

Right before COVID shut the whole world down…

By the time she was born and I came back from maternity leave, everybody was working from home. Like so many other families, we were trying to figure out life in real time. Work was at home. Babies were at home. Everything was at home.

And somewhere in all of that, I started seeing my family differently.

Not exactly in a “let me build a perfect homeschool life” kind of way. Please.

More like, “Wait a minute. I’m already teaching these babies anyway” kind of way.

I was already pouring into them. Already watching how they learned. Already seeing what they picked up, what they needed, and what I had to undo after they had been somewhere else all day.

Because here is the truth: when your children come home and you realize you have to deprogram certain things before you can even move forward, something in you starts paying attention.

And I started paying attention.

The First Seed

After maternity leave, I was still working from home, but by this time, the kids were enrolled in a local Christian academy closer to our house. I would get up, get them ready, drop them off, come back home, walk around the garden, and start my workday.

But then, our son started getting in trouble at school.

And here is the thing: he was not being bad.

He was not challenged. He was not unruly. He was not some problem child. My baby was bored. LOL He was smart (already reading very well at 3), busy, curious, and ready for more.

I quickly learned that when a child is not being challenged, people can start misreading them real quick.

And I remember thinking, before these people label my child as bad or unruly, let me get him out of this situation.

Because labels matter.

You let the wrong person label your child too early, and then everybody starts treating them according to that label instead of according to who God made them to be.

Every time I would go pick him up, they would tell me how smart he was.

“He can do this.”

“He can do that.”

“He knows this.”

And I’m thinking, okay then, move him up.

At that point, he was still in a younger room because he had to show he was potty trained before they would move him “up the hill” with the older kids. So I did my part. We worked on that.

But even when he moved up, there were still signs that something was not quite fitting.

They would ask him math problems and challenging questions, and I remember thinking, why y’all picking on my child? Are y’all asking everybody else these questions too?

But really, they saw it.

They knew he was sharp.

One of the administrators, the one down the hill where my daughter still was, finally said something to me. She told me my son was very, very smart. My daughter was too. And then she said she did not think there was a whole lot more they could do for us there.

She said he needed to be somewhere he could get the education and challenge he needed and desired.

Then, she suggested homeschooling.

That was the first seed.

Then My Mama Said It Too

Not long after that, my mama came behind her and brought up homeschooling too.

And by then, I was already thinking about it.

COVID had shown me something.

Being home had shown me something.

I had spent enough time with my children in that season to realize I was not disconnected from their learning. I was not just dropping them off and hoping somebody else handled the important stuff. I was involved. I was watching. I was teaching. I was correcting. I was protecting what was being poured into them.

And the more I looked at it, the more I realized homeschooling might actually be an option for us.

I just did not know what it would look like.

Because at that point, I was still working.

So in my mind, I’m trying to figure out how in the world this could even happen. I’m researching. I’m looking into programs. I’m considering what it would take. I’m thinking through all the pieces.

But I still did not have a neat little answer.

I just had a seed.

And sometimes that is how God starts.

Not with the whole staircase.

Just a seed.

The Job I Was Praying to Leave

In 2021, I wrote on my vision board that I was going to leave my job that year.

Now, did I know exactly how that was going to happen?

Nope.

Did it make financial sense to just walk away from a six-figure job with co-workers that I loved to work with?

Also nope.

And that is where I was stuck.

Because I could feel the pull toward home. I could see the need. I could see the value of being with my children, not just physically in the house, but fully present in the shaping of our home. The resident architect.

There is a big difference between feeling called and knowing how the bills are going to be paid. LOL

So I kept working.

Kept researching.

Kept watching.

Kept praying.

Kept believing.

Kept looking at that note on my vision board.

Then January 10, 2022 came.

My President and Chairman of my job called me and laid me off over the phone after 8 years of faithful service.

And I know that sounds like something that should have been devastating, especially during COVID.

But for us, it ended up being a bonafide blessing.

Because I was having trouble saying, “I’m just going to quit my six-figure job and come home.” That did not make sense on paper (or to hear myself say it out loud, for that matter).

But God worked it right on out!

My Most Powerful Position Was at Home

I have said this before, and I believe it even more now:

My most powerful position on the chessboard was at home with my family.

Not because women cannot work outside the home.

Not because every mama is called to homeschool.

Not because there is only one right way to build a family.

But because for me, in that season, with my children, my marriage, my home, and what God was showing me, I knew where I was supposed to be.

At home.

As the beloved resident home architect.

That is the best way I can explain it.

I was not just “staying home.”

I was helping build the culture of our family (and hopefully for generations to come).

I was helping, and continue to help, shape what our children believe, how they learn, how they see themselves, how they see God, how they handle frustration, how they ask questions, and how they grow.

That is not small work.

The world may not always clap for it, but I believe that all of Heaven sees it.

We School in a Way That Works for Us

We do not follow the traditional school calendar.

We school year-round and usually take about four to six weeks off between terms. That works better for our family.

It gives us room to breathe without feeling like we have to cram everything into one long stretch. It lets us keep a rhythm. It gives us breaks without losing all momentum.

And that is one thing I appreciate about homeschooling.

You can totally build the rhythm around your actual family.

Not the imaginary family in your head.

Not the family on Instagram or Pinterest.

Your real one.

The one with personalities, needs, strengths, gaps, energy levels, attitudes, appointments, business, meals, laundry, and life happening all at the same time.

Homeschooling in our family gave us room to stop trying to squeeze our children into a system and start paying closer attention to how God actually wired them and the gifts He put in them.

You Were Not Wrong

So when I say, “You were not wrong for choosing this,” I am not saying homeschooling is easy.

I am not saying every day feels like confirmation.

Some days feel like, “Lord, now You know…..”

Some days the math is mathing, the attitudes are attituding, and somebody has lost a pencil that was literally just in their hand.

I know the mission is schooling the kiddos, but I too have learned much. I learned that difficulty does not automatically mean disobedience.

And that sometimes the thing God called you to will still require patience, adjustment, repentance, research, structure, flexibility, and a whooooooole LOT of grace.

That does not mean you chose wrong.

It means you are doing real work.

And real work has weight to it.

If You Are the Mama Wondering

If you are the mama wondering if you made or are about to make the right choice, I cannot in good faith provide an answer for you.

That is between you, God, your husband if you are married, and the needs of your home, sis.

But I can tell you this:

Do not let people who are not responsible for your assignment shame you out of obeying God.

Do not let a hard week convince you that you missed Him.

Do not let somebody else’s rhythm make you despise yours.

And do not let a system label your child before you have had a chance to really see what God placed in them for yourself.

Sometimes obedience does not arrive with a big announcement.

It can show up disguised as a layoff.

Or an administrator saying, “Have you considered homeschooling?”

Sometimes it sounds like your mama asking a question.

It might even look like you sitting at the table with your children, realizing this was the place God was leading you all along.

Homeschool life chose me before I ever knew I was choosing it.

And I would not trade the blessing of it for anything.

— Mellanie T. Grier